


Schrödinger's Pussy

by oonaseckar



Category: Original Work
Genre: British Comedy, Character Death, Comedy, Death, Doppelganger, F/M, Gen, Grieving, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, bereavement
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23079451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oonaseckar/pseuds/oonaseckar
Summary: Harry's haunted.  By his wife, Patti -- his first wife, hislatewife.  Well, she's got a right.  Harry was a bit of a twat, back then.And also by his dead (second) fiancée.  His bête noire.  The (second) love of his life.  Alanis.She's dead, though.She's deffo dead.Amirite?Schrödinger's cat: the pussy's definitely alive.  Or Dead.  One or the other, at any rate.OPEN THE BOX!
Relationships: Harry/Alanis, Harry/Patti





	1. there's a ghost in my house, and I can't hide

**Author's Note:**

> This is, in some lights and at a certain angle, an orig-fic reworking of 'ghosts' - https://archiveofourown.org/works/2208765?view_full_work=true
> 
> Chapter title is from Northern Soul epic 'Ghost In My House', R. Dean Taylor.

Harry held his current hottie's hand a little tighter, standing in Oxford Street amongst the window-shopping crush. But it wasn't any horny urging, and it sure as shit wasn't true romance.

It was dumb fear. But just for a moment. Isn't it supposed to be a terrible thing, you see your own doppelganger? A harbinger of death, or something like that. One of Harry's smart-arse college-educated comedian friends would know. All the books they read, and never shut up about it, like no-one else ever cracks a spine.

But then, what does it mean if you keep spotting the doppelganger of your dead _fiancée_ , everywhere you trundle around the streets of old London town?

It probably doesn't mean anything _good_ , Harry thinks. But that was an issue regarding the condition of his mental health, rather than any supernatural manifestation giving him fair warning of impending doom.


	2. cheap alcohol and curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It isn't Alanis.
> 
> Probably.

Of course, there were certain things that could have established identity beyond any possible doubt. Alanis? Or not, indubitably, Alanis. Live pussy, or very dead pussy indeed.

The main thing, obviously, being that Alanis was dead. The tumour that had got her, it was a real no-messin' killer, or so the doctors had assured them, with their arcane mumbo-jumbo and medical-terminology guff.

And the second: there were certain identifying marks. Alanis' tattoos, foremost. A sturdy, beautifully clear little question mark, on her left shoulder. Lovely font, one of those vintage-typewriter type ones.

And a pert, coy lady deer, on her ankle. (Yes, the Babycham trademark, in fact.) "Cheap alcohol and curiosity, babe," that had been her answer, if queried on it. "What this girl's all about! Pass the Lambrini!"

Harry wondered -- couldn't help but wonder -- if he asked this woman to strip, to take off her expensively-cut business suit and dark stockings, what he'd see. (Or, alternatively, how long it would take the welt, from her palm hitting his face, to disappear.)


End file.
